Acceptance of Being Human

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The last time I posted I was in a weird place. A place that I’ve been in since graduating college last May. I got great feedback but also a lot of pity which wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t write that post as a “poor me”. I wrote it to explain to people why I’ve been acting a certain way and give others an insight to what being a recent graduate in NYC is like. A few days later I read something that helped me. It was like someone splashed some cold water on my face and said “wake up, kid”.

An article titled “To Anyone Who Thinks They’re Falling Behind” on Medium by Jamie Varon came across my newsfeed on Facebook. I rarely read those types of articles with photos of silhouettes and a vague title anymore because they end up somehow being sort of judgmental. I decided to read this one because I thought, “Hey, I kind of feel like that.” It was almost like Varon was writing to me. She wrote something that no one ever told me before. I’ve spent the past few months telling myself that if I work harder, look in different places, if I feel more confident, I’ll get the right job for me and be happier with where I am in life. Instead, she suggests that maybe you don’t need to be more inspired or work harder and what I really needed was, “less shame around the idea that you’re not doing your best.” What hit me was when she stated, “You can show up every day to your best intentions, but if it’s not the time, it’s just not the fucking time. You need to give yourself permission to be a human being.” I hadn’t given myself even a second to be human. I was trying so hard to get to the next step in my life that I hadn’t stepped back to give myself a break. There were times that I forced myself to enjoy where I was but it only lasted no more than a few hours because there was always the anxiety creeping back into my mind about how I could be using that time to apply for more jobs. I never thought that the year after graduating college would be one of the most prevalent transitional stages in my life. I don’t know why I thought I would breeze through it and that I would just be able to skip my way into adulthood. Social media has made me feel like everyone has breezed through college into the perfect jobs, everyone except for me. It’s difficult to remind yourself that Facebook is not real life, that that is not true humanity. It’s rare when someone posts about hardships or “failures”. Well here I am doing just that.

I read the article two days after having a draining and vigorous interview that I felt went really well, but I was so used to being let down I decided to not think about it. I decided that if I didn’t get that job, I would take at least a one week break from applying, interviewing, writing cover letters, just to be. I decided to deeply and truly accept that hard fact that I’m only 22, I moved across the country with my boyfriend, I have two part time jobs, I’m struggling to make ends meet, but such is life. I’m human.

“You don’t get to game the system of your life. You just don’t. You don’t get to control every outcome and aspect as a way to never give in to the uncertainty and unpredictability of something that’s beyond what you understand. It’s the basis of presence: to show up as you are in this moment and let that be enough.”

I surrendered. Everything that day seemed a little brighter, sounds weren’t so harsh, the air was crisper and comforting rather than painful. For the first time since moving here I felt this way for more than just that day. I’ve felt this way ever since.

That next week, I was offered the job. I start a week from today.

Maybe all I needed was to relax for one damn second.

 

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My offer letter and welcome packet.

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New York, I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down

“New York, I Love You
But you’re bringing me down

Like a rat in a cage
Pulling minimum wage

New York, I Love You
But you’re bringing me down

New York, you’re safer
And you’re wasting my time

Our records all show
You are filthy but fine

But they shuttered your stores
When you opened the doors
To the cops who were bored
Once they’d run out of crime

New York, you’re perfect
Don’t please don’t change a thing

Your mild billionaire mayor’s
Now convinced he’s a king

So the boring collect
I mean all disrespect

In the neighborhood bars
I’d once dreamt I would drink

– LCD Soundsystem

There’s really nothing like this city. A city that can make you feel invincible one second and feel defeated the next.

When I began telling people that I was moving in New York after graduation I got a mix of reactions. Many people were happy for me, friends told me how jealous they were and how they wanted to come visit. Others made a face of either distaste or seemed unenthused, and proceeded to tell me New York was a hard city. I took that as a challenge. I knew that New York wouldn’t be an easy place. It’s one of the most competitive cities on Earth, but I had confidence in myself and a whole lot of drive. I was cocky. I have lived in New York for half a year and can confirm that it is indeed a tough city to live in. I’ve always prided myself in adapting well to new surroundings. Mixing being practically launched into adulthood and New York has turned out to be a whole other ballgame.

I have applied for so many jobs, I can’t keep track. I have probably 20 versions of my resume. I had full confidence that I would have a well-paying full-time job in fashion PR within a month of living in NYC. Well that has not happened. I like to tell myself that it’s not meant to be. Right now, I’m supposed to figure out who adult New Yorker Megan is.

I’m still trying to figure that out. I don’t think I’ve been this perplexed about what I want or who I am since junior high, and that’s saying something. What a weird time in life. The first time where I don’t have anyone in my life telling what to do or what I should be doing. I went to school, I got good grades, I had an internship, now it’s time to get a job. What do you do when that doesn’t go as planned?

After countless talks with my boyfriend and my mom, I think it’s finally time to get my mind off of the negatives and what feels like my failings. It’s time to focus on me. Like most people, I’ve never really had the chance to do so. Not many people are lucky enough to get off of work, and not have a thing to do. There’s no time like the present to get healthy mentally and physically, take up hobbies I have practically forgot about, make new friends and enjoy the city that I moved across the country to be in.

New Season In New York

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(Jacket: Zara; Pants: HM – similar, Shoes: Trouve – similar; Bag: Marc by Marc Jacobs; Scarf: Givenchy; Sunglasses: Ray-Bans)

The past few weeks have been madness for me the combination of work and personal issues gave me little to no time to write or even think about writing. As summer ends and a new season begins, things are starting to feel right again. With that being said, I have decided that Autumn is going to be my season. So far I have turned 22 years old, got a new haircut (which has fixed my appearance identity crisis) and I bought new workout pants that I hope will motivate me to get into shape.

Last Sunday, my new favorite day of the week, Aidan and I went to the Whitney for our first time. I put on my ‘cool girl’ outfit including my new leather moto jacket and comfy culottes and headed out on the town.

Little Megan Whitney 4

Little Megan Whitney 2

Little Megan Whitney 3

For anyone who enjoys contemporary art, I highly suggest the Whitney. With 8 floors of exhibitions, including outdoor spaces with sculptures and views of the Hudson and the beautiful Meatpacking District, you’ll definitely feel a tad more cultured after you leave. There’s something about art museums that hit a soft spot for me. As someone who has always saw themselves as a creative, I think about what could have been if I would have stuck to film photography or any other art form. I suppose now fashion is sort of my art form.

The Liebster Award

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The lovely Haute Highschooler just nominated me for the Liebster Award! Thank you a ton, it means a lot to me that you enjoy my blog, even though it’s just getting started.

My nominees are:

  1. The Haute Highschooler
  2. Those Kinds Of Girls
  3. Hobo On The Go
  4. Mrs Toes
  5. Cook the Look
  6. Cat Bee
  7. Not Suitable For All Audiences
  8. Nacooe
  9. Captain’s Log
  10. Dyana24

The rules of the award are:

  1. Once nominated, make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you.
  2. Include the Liebster Award sticker somewhere in the post.
  3. Nominate 10 other new bloggers who have 200 or less followers who you think are worthy of this award. Let them know that they have been nominated by commenting on one of their posts. You can nominate the person who nominated you.
  4. Answer the 10 questions asked to you by the person who nominated you, and make ten questions of your own for your nominees.
  5. Copy these rules into your post.

Answering the questions made me have a flashback to the days of Myspace surveys. 

Questions for chosen bloggers to answer:

1. What’s your horoscope sign?

I’m a full-blown Libra, even though I’m a Virgo-Libra cusp

2. If you could personally witness anything, what would you have seen?

Either aurora borealis or the festival of colors in India.

3. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

I can’t think of specific compliment but any time that I’m told that I’m a good friend or girlfriend is the best. I cherish my friends a lot and there’s nothing more I love than making them feel loved.

4. If you had to be named after a city, state, or country which would it be?

This is an odd one. I did have a friend named Asia when I was younger and I always it was pretty.

5. What’s your favorite word?

Melancholy or pomplemousse (grapefruit in French).

6. Books or movies?

Both! I love watching movies and reading books but if I had to choose one, maybe books.

7. What’s your favorite candy?

Butterfinger or Sour Punch Straws

8. If you could be any cartoon character who would it be?

Jake the Magic Dog, duh.

9. What’s your all time favorite song?

I don’t know if I have an ALL TIME favorite song, but Portions for Foxes by Rilo Kiley and Two-Headed Boy by Neutral Milk Hotel are definitely up there

10. If there was a fire in your house and you could only save one thing what would it be?

My baby blanket. Yeah I’m in my 20s and I still sleep with a baby blanket, WHAT OF IT?!

Questions for my nominees:

Since I’m feeling so nostalgic about my emo kid, Myspace days, here is are actual Myspace survey questions for my nominees to answer.

  1. What social/political issues matter the most to you?:
  2. Who is your celebrity crush?
  3.  Do you think it matters what others think of you?:
  4. Wish you could change anything in your life?:
  5. What changes would you like to make in the world (if you could)?:
  6. Who can you count on the most?:
  7. What’s something you have always wanted to do?:
  8. What is one thing you could never give up?:
  9. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?:
  10. What is the first thing you look for in a SO?:

By Chloe., the vegan cafe taking Manhattan by storm

 

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(Similar Shirt: Marc By Marc Jacobs, Similar Skirt: InterMIX, Shoes: Vans)

My friend and celebrity chef, Chloe Coscarelli, just opened up her very first restaurant, in the West Village. By Chloe is centered around comfort food that many vegans have to miss out on, like hearty burgers and even mac n’ cheese. Since the restaurant opened about 3 weeks ago, the line has been out the door with locals and fans who have traveled just to get their hands on a delicious locally sourced vegan treat. I personally am not vegan, in fact, I love meat and am usually hesitant toward vegan versions of meaty foods, but I trust everything Chloe makes. She, of course, did not disappoint this time around. My favorite meal so far is the classic burger, air-baked fries and a cold brew Stumptown coffee. Chef Chloe started out as a vegan pastry chef (she won Cupcake Wars!), so the grab-n-go baked treats are her specialty. I have actually dreamed about her chocolate chip cinnamon espresso cookies and banana bourbon ice cream. I highly suggest vegans and non-vegans to go try out this new little place in Village out. It is even open late so you can satisfy your late night cravings or get that late dinner you have been waiting after a long day of work.

By Chloe. is located at the corner of MacDougal and Bleecker at 185 Bleecker St.

As for my outfit:

If you have known me for a few years, you probably recognize this t-shirt. I bought it at the Marc by Marc Jacobs store in LA probably 5 years ago and have gotten so much use out of it, it’s ridiculous. It’s now that perfect worn-in soft cotton and still goes with everything. I will probably still be wearing when I’m a crazy 100 year old woman with a fabulous sequin skirt.

This skirt is also a favorite piece but newer. Banana Republic is one of the few stores that sells petites, and I have been wanting a pencil skirt for forever. It was more than I was willing to spend at the time it came out so I admired the perfect skirt from afar. As soon as it went on sale, it had to be mine.

On Top Of The World (Well The City, At Least)

DSC_0378(Shirt: Zara, Similar Skirt: Topshop or ASOS, Similar Shoe: Rag & BoneBass or Aldo)

DSC_0364DSC_0369 DSC_0362I have a great rooftop terrace in my building in wonderful West Harlem. I decided to use the space for a silly shoot, by me and my self timer. I’m really glad no one from my building saw me trying to find places to set my camera and scurrying to beat the camera to my spot. As you can tell, I am not a model. In fact, far from that. I prefer to be behind the camera. I did like my outfit this day though, and decided it was blog worthy.

I’m often drawn to boxy tops that make me look like a toddler. I’m only 4’10” so looking young is not hard, but quite frankly, I do not care. Also, I have had this skirt for probably too long. I have been saving it for when denim skirts came back in style, and LUCKY ME they have! As for my shoes, they are apart of an extensive loafer/oxford collection. I am always drawn to menswear inspired shoes and I don’t think I will ever have too many pairs. This pair is my favorite and I get compliments on them all the time. I love mixing menswear inspired pieces with feminine ones, like a mini-skirt. Even as a kid, I have loved boys clothes and trying to make them sort of girly. It all started during my Avril Lavigne phase of wearing ties and boys underwear and a lot of black and pink (I was really cool, ok?). This style has seemed to stick with me my entire life and I love it. My style is most likely influenced by my mother, who dressed me like a tomboy while I fought to wear bows and pink. I think she knew my style before I even did.

Outside of the city: Montauk

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As much as I love living in New York City, getting out is refreshing. I haven’t spent any time anywhere on the East Coast other than the City so it was time to get a breath of fresh air and discover my surroundings.

DSC_0310Sunday, my friend True, my boyfriend Aidan and I set out on a short trip to Montauk. Montauk is a tiny town at the very end of Long Island, bustling with vacationers during the summer. I fell in love almost immediately. Maybe it is my California roots talking but there is nothing like a small beach town where everyone spends all day long outside, walking their dogs, brunching all day and drinking beers on the beach (which is legal there!!). Montauk is the perfect getaway for those wanting the chic beach scene without the fuss of the Hamptons.

We originally made the trip to go to the Surf Lodge to see the pop-duo, Sylvan Esso. The Surf Lodge is a hip, hotel/restaurant/bar with live music for free. Once an art haven in the 90’s, this place seemed magical, from the outside at least.The cocktails tasted like awful dive bar drinks for $15. The place was over run with overly drunk Hamptonites, not my exact favorite crowd to see a show with anyways.  Unfortunately, due to a rude security guard who tricked me into coming back only after the band played, we didn’t get to see Sylvan Esso and left feeling salty.

IMG_1126The day was spent exploring the town via golf cart thanks to TheFreeRide, drinking delicious beer at the Montauk Brewery, and making some nice friends. Quality time in a quiet, picturesque East Coast beach town with good company was just what I needed, even if I didn’t know it. I highly recommend anyone making the short trip out to “The End”.

In the end, in the words of Ice Cube, it was a good day.

Becoming a New Yorker: (Stylishly) Surviving NYC Summer

Step One:

I have lived in New York for exactly a month and half today. I’m proud of how comfortable I feel in a city that is so different from anything that I am used to. I like to think that I adapt easily to my surroundings, which I believe is the number one characteristic someone needs to become a New Yorker. This city is remarkable, almost magical, true, but that does not mean it is easy. I don’t believe anything truly great should come easy. NYC is loud, crowded, and boisterous and since it is summer, very hot and even smelly. Many people would never guess that it is anything but perfect and stylish from what they see on street style blogs. All of the hip, fashion-forward people pictured look flawless, per usual. I don’t get it.

 

Like most New Yorkers, I take the subway during the morning rush hour, squished between dozens of people and I start to feel the makeup practically melt off my face. From the subway station, with a large leather tote filled with everything I may need including my laptop in hand, I quickly march through crowds of slow-moving tourists on 34th St. to my office. I’m an assistant, so I often have to run errands by foot, sometimes carrying heaps of garment bags or sewing supplies. Then it is time to go home and do the commute all over again. By the end of the day, I feel as if I might as well of not gotten all cute for work because I look like I ran a marathon in the middle of the summer.

 

As someone who prides herself in being stylish, summer in the city is not always the most fun. I have quickly learned that no matter how great my black, high-waisted jeans look with my work outfit, the feeling of being in tight dark clothes while surrounded by thick, humid air is not worth it. Oh you want to wear your perfect, black strappy stiletto sandals? Well you’ll probably break your ankle running down the stairs in a subway station to catch your train. I think my hair looks best straightened, but not when it’s stuck with sweat to the back of my neck or there’s a random downpour of rain.

 

I’m still learning how to survive stylishly during summer in the city.

 

Here are alternatives to looking great while not hating yourself for being uncomfortable

 

As for hair, my signature milkmaid braid is a savior:

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(all you do is put your hair in two braids and pin them up!)

Trade in heavy or thick fabrics for linen or cotton:

J.Crew Linen Tee

J.Crew Linen Tee $39.99

Zara Dungaree

Zara Dungaree $25.99

Tailored Jogger in Linen

Tailored Jogger in Linen ASOS $40

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& Other Stories Cotton T-Shirt Dress $50

Still want a sleek look without having to straighten your hair? Try a pony tail clip!

Madewell Ponytail Clip

Madewell Ponytail Clip $12.50

Ditch those heels and uncomfortable flats!

ASOS Platform Sandals

ASOS Platforms $40

Emmie Sandals

Emmie Sandals – Need Supply $98.99

New Balance 620

New Balance 620 Black and White- Need Supply $70

Yep, even switch out those lacy polyester bralettes and panties for something more breathable

splendid cotton triangle bra

Splendid Cotton Triangle Bralette – Nordstrom $28

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Calvin Klein ‘Modern’ T-Shirt Bra and Bikini (Starting at $20)

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